Love and Anger.

I'm angry.
Angry because you won't let me speak my mind.
Angry because you won't listen to me.
Angry because I am deeply wounded.
Angry because I am hurting.. for years now.

It seems like things are falling apart and nobody cares. Really.. nobody cares at all. Can't you see that things are haywired? Don't you want to change it to the better?

I have all this pend up hurt inside that turns into anger. I just want to make things better for everybody. I'm the youngest but I am carrying the most weight. What happened to the elders?

It hurts. It hurts so much that sometimes I just want to give up.. pack up and go. But then my conscious mind tells me that it's not my values. Struggle beckons. I am trapped within myself.. with my own thoughts I fight my own enemy.

My newly recharged self is wounded and has been scratched silly. I wanna stay positive and happy for myself. I need to be to keep myself sane. It's ridiculous to know that just 2 days before this that I spoke to the therapist and now I am back to square one.

Love left me.

[daily disco dose]
Beyoncé - I Was Here

I wanna drown my sorrows and anger in food. Stuff my face and be fat. Wait. I am already fat. So kill me now.

Curly.

I would like to pay tribute my cute, funny and furry friend - Curly who tragically died one year ago. I would like to dedicate this entry to her because she has been nothing but a joy to have as a pet. I do miss you very much.

She would wait for me to come back and greet me by wagging her tail and jumping with joy. She was a furball of happiness and she never ceases to brightens up my day. I remember that she would bark at the "sampah" truck every morning like it is her enemy. And because she wasn't very tall, she would climb on to the fence and stand on her two feet to see the passers by or even the cars. Curious to know what is happening outside.

Sadly, being curious and wanting to greet her owner were the reasons why she passed away..

She likes to play with water, dry leaves, flies, basketball and her own furry and curly tail. I remember that I like to play chase with her. I would chase her and she would run.. LOL. Sometimes in circles and she likes it. She would go near to the drain to see the water flow down and would be terrified if I poked her from behind. She likes to play with a basketball and she would make funny noises because she thought that the ball was playing tricks on her. I would ask her to sit next to me while I pat her on the head or even a nice body/tummy rub. I would even talk to her during my days of depression and sadness. She may not know it but it soothes me sometimes.

You were an obedient and amazing dog. You will be dearly missed. Be happy and well in heaven dear friend. I will always be thinking of you.

Clueless.

I really didn't have the heart to tell her. She's just so clueless and yet she is there to serve me. She didn't have any idea when it comes to her own products.. much less make up. I wonder how the hell she ended up at the counter and be the promoter.

I know how to read la but when I asked you why is it called 2000 calorie mascara you can't even tell me why but you read me the description of the product instead? Sigh. So clueless. You don't even know the purpose of bronzing powder. Gosh. I need to tell you instead?

Bloody hell. This will be the first and the last time that I will purchase from you. #badcustomerservice

[daily disco dose]
Amy Winehouse - Valerie

Photolog : Piercings

Hi piercings, I have missed you. 

I miss the rebellious days of being an outcast and a standout among the rest. 

The thorn among the roses. 

The dontcarefuckyoubyebye attitude. 

The bravery and courage that I had in my to make the first move and to be firm with my decisions.

Ahhhh.. 

Photolog : Starbucks

Feeling bloated after today's lunch, I hopped on over to the quay side to chill with a tumbler of smooth foamy hot coffee while going online. I am still here as I write. I wrote some lyrics which I was suppose to do a long time ago, chatted with some friends and read a little.. Gonna sign up for a volunteer program.

[daily disco dose]
Sheryl Crow - My Favorite Mistake

Photolog : Vietnamese Food

Hurrah! A friend is making vietnamese food for dinner later. 

So psyched as I've been craving for vietnamese for ages now.

Not to mention I get to chill out with my mates.

Awesome possum! :)

I'm loving this kinda continued happiness all around me.

[daily disco dose]
Augustana - Counting Stars

Photolog : Saturday Loungelicious

Woke up early to go for my medical check up and I hate needles! Gees, haven't had my skin poked with needles for some time now. Did chest X-ray, blood test, urine test, eye test and meet with the not-so-friendly MO. Later met with two of my ex colleagues and went for lunch and took them ronda-ronda in town for a bit. Stopped by to check out The Lifting Buddha phenomenon.

Had a blast because of these mutants. Another epic night. 

Venue wasn't so great but it was the company that matters. 

Pecks on the cheek made me blush like a 5 year old girl.

Get to know some new people, had supper and it was all rad and dandy!

Time to adjust body clock though >_<

[daily disco dose]

Deadmau5 - Raise Your Weapon (Ft. Greta Svabo Bech)

Good day!

• Bought two packets of 5kg rice and donate it to an orphanage in town. 
• Say my thanks and prayers for more good things to come at the temple. 
• Released a pair of birdies for good luck. 

It feels good to be able to do some good to the world!

Hung out with a friend who came back from KK and watched Kung Fu Panda 2 with him. Hilarious movie! My friend then walked me to my car.. such a gentleman la. Later at night, I hung out with a few ex colleagues of mine. We had a good time catching up, talking about our future and bitching about our company and my ex boss.

Though tired but what an awesome day! :D

[daily disco dose]
Friendly Fires - Blue Cassette

Job!

I see the light now! 

Moving towards the light and hopefully I'm moving towards the right direction.
Wish me luck.

It is quite surprising that I went for an interview earlier and they've just called me back and guess what?

I've got the job! On the same day! =D

I can't describe how elated and some sort relieved I am feeling.

Heh, this may sound unorthodox but I can't wait to get back to work!

This calls for a celebration!

[daily disco dose]
Natasha Beddingfield - Pocketful Of Sunshine

Best Friends.

When two of us are together, laughters are bound to embrace our conversations.

Today I wanna dedicate this post to my female best friend. 

I hope today is not the last time of our happy times together.

Although I do have to be prepared to take a step back and watch her embark on a brand new journey with a man of her dreams.. without me.

But I hope that she is happy. That's the most important thing.

It wouldn't hurt if she could still spend time and hang out with me. That would be a bonus for sure.

However, my role is now to take a back seat and enjoy the ride. Show my care for her whenever I am needed in the front seat.

The other one who is in the front seat better treat her good and it wouldn't hurt if I am included in the process of navigation and joy rides once in a while.

But oh well, I am happy for her.

Roses are blooming, wedding bells ringing and the time is near.

[daily disco dose]
Bruno Mars - Count On Me

Growing Up.

Sometimes I think that growing up sucks.

You sort of loose yourself here and there as you grow..

and one day you look back and wonder what happened to you.

Where did the burning passion that you used to have go?

[daily disco dose]

Friendly Fires - Running Away

Photolog : Haircut

Really needs a hair cut!

The hot weather didn't help either.

So to my hairdresser I go and chop chop chop!

Weddings.

Seems like today is a good day for weddings.

Attended my cousin's 20th wedding anniversary today.

Attended another friend's wedding in spirit.

When can I hear my own wedding bells?

Photolog : Productive Day!

Went out the whole day and it has been a productive day!

Got some chores done and the weather is being kind today.

This is just a start.. Welcoming the weekend :)

TGIF indeed!

Photolog : Job

Took up the job. 

Not exactly excited but it pays the rent.

We'll see how it goes from there....

RIP Derek K. Miller

Listening to Joanna Wong's Times Of Your Life while reading Derek Miller's last few posts..

Rain.

Cooling wind sweep over my face and I am feeling contented.

I love the smell of rain. 

For once, I don't mind the gloomy weather for a change.

Thank God for the rain!

[daily disco dose]

Russian Red - The Sun The Trees

Photolog : Komtar

I wish I was as tall as you...

I wish I could be up there seeing the entire world through your eyes.

Filthy Dreams.

Wow. I've just woken up from very bizarre series of dreams.

First, I was at the shop and what I was doing there, I wasn't sure but I know that my black color limited edition Longchamp bag was ruined.

Somehow rather my sister was in my arms. She's in quite a medical condition. She was giving up and was throwing a tantrum but slowly after comforting her, she started to hug me very tightly and sobbing. I had asked her what was her condition and somehow she didn't answer and I just leave it at that. I didn't want her to throw another tantrum.

We had arrived on GH and she somehow fell asleep and then I realized that it was her sleeping problem. The nurse behind the counter was giving us advices on how to sleep and that was when I realized that the whole damn place is horribly dirty. Imagine all the green dirt can be seen on plain sight and the ENTIRE place is covered with nothing but dirt, grease, rotten food and maggots. Literally. From the ceiling to the walls and the floors.

My sister insisted that she wanted to go to the washroom to freshen up and to my dismay, the place is wet and stinky. A little boy with his grandma got cozy with me and I started chasing him. When I finally cornered him in one of the cubicle, it hit me for a few seconds that I really shouldn't continue the chase fearing that he might fall into the toilet hole. I didn't think and straight he fell right into the whole and was screaming and crying his lungs out.

I ran to his granny and told her what happened and we went looking for him outside where we could hear where the crying from. He was covered with poop and smells awful. Grandma consoling him and I kept apologizing to her. My good natured sister then clean the poop from the boy's body. After a while, we left GH. The dirt became so apparent that I was literally flying and trying not to touch the floor as I go from one room to another to find the exit.

I could righteously feel the disgusted hygiene of GH.. and somehow what my friend told me about GH is true.. In my dreams that is.

It got so horrible that I woke up from my dream, phew! This is one dream that I am glad that I woke up from.

Photolog : Nasi Melayu

Been having this nasi melayu cravings for days now.

Some ladies finger(okra) and sambal, half a tofu, an egg, some tempe and curry gravy.

Photolog : Connection

Looking for that link, that connection, that something...

Are we really connected with each other?
Do we light up and shine when we are connected?

Photolog : Pray

In times of answer and a peace of mind, pray..

Dear God, please let me have the courage and strength to stay positive. 

I need to carry on..

Photolog : Garden Room

Where is my very own Garden Room when you need one?

A space for much needed peace and quiet. 

Surrounded by greenery and fragrant flowers. 

My very own space...

Photolog : Sushi Platter

Sushi cravings since months ago.

Japanese food is one of my many comfort food.

Sushisushisushisushisushisushi...

Photolog : Lighthouse

Shed some lights over troubled waters...

Photolog : Last Pedicure

The last pedicure that I had..

It was in April last year.
It has been too long.. Too long since I last pampered myself.

Photolog : Birthday

I've been waiting to feel loved and special... 

Even more so during my birthday.

But years I've been giving myself false expectation. :(

Photolog : Wet Market

Went to the wet market today.

Bought fresh produce and had breakfast.

Simple pleasures.

Photolog : Risotto

The delicious seafood risotto that I had at Bella Marino. Thanks to my buddy!

Photolog : Random Wall

Fresh flowers, rain and loads of love.

Photolog : Sweet Ride

Coming home now. 

Wish I have this waiting for me at home.

Ahhh...

Photolog :Trip Day 2

I should be at a foreign place now sharing this clear blue sky and hot weather. 

Be back soon! :)

Photolog : Trip Day 1

Yours truly is going for a short trip. 

Put on my favourite flip flop and take off!

Wheeeeeee~

Work Values.

I realized that these are my core work values after talking to the Founder and CEO.

• Equality.
• Respect.
• Connection.
• Appreciation. 

What happened recently or what didn't happened recently has made me feeling kind of down and out. What I need now..

• Courage. 
• Strength. 
• Determination. 
• Hope and lots of luck.

[daily disco dose]
Lupe Fiasco - The Show Goes On

Photolog : Cat

My friend's furry little friend. Very sweet and likes to be around people. 

Another fun fact about this fur ball is that she is a cat trapped in a dog's body. 

She loves dog treats! She would sit and wait for you to feed her.

[daily disco dose]

Jessie J - Price Tag

Photolog : Car

Despite feeling a little bummed out, I washed my car thoroughly today. 

From the dashboard to both sides of the windows. 

Even sprayed on some perfume!  :)

[daily disco dose]

Neon Trees - Animal

Photolog : Cold Drinks

I don't mind having kopi peng (iced coffee) or gu leng peng (red syrup with milk) on this humidly hot day.

[daily disco dose]
Scouting For Girls - The Airplane Song

Photolog : Rest

Resting under a shaded shelter from the concrete jungle.

[daily disco dose]

Samantha James - Again & Again

Photolog : Dinner 16th April 2011

Dinner that I've prepared for my family on Saturday 16th April 2011. Pacific west black pepper fish fillet, mashed potato, crunchy fresh salsa, boiled vege with balsamic vinegar.

The One That Got Away.

The one that got away...

As I was walking out of the room, I was really taken aback and I didn’t know what to say to make it all better. Part of me was thinking that I should have been better prepared but then another part of me was not sorry because I did read up and I didn’t want my answers to be so well prepared and cliché. I guess I was out of their league. It’s not because you are not good but I think you are not suitable for this position. Another one that is not align with my career goals.

Thinking about it now makes me realize that at least they are not wasting my time and they are straight to the point. I'm gladly relieved. 

I was kind of surprised that it didn't last as long as I've expected it to be and also weirded out because normally I would be able to wow them with my magically fabulous personality. I know I didn't do my magic good enough and I didn't shine this time. I was feeling spaced out but when I was home and after a few smses from Perth, I broke down in tears and felt the aftershock. I'm a wussy. Not his fault really, I was just emotionally imbalanced.

I still can't strike a balance. Sigh. After all that emotional fiasco I just want to curl up in my bed, read a book, listen to some music and sleep.

[daily disco dose]
Example - Last One Standing

Resolutions.

Okay, so this is it. My attempt at making somewhat of a resolution to start the new year with. I'm not a big fan of resolutions to start with simply because I think they just get your hopes and expectations to nowhere and fall flat on your face if they are not achieved.

Besides, I think the life experiences that I went through the last few years made me a (little) pessimist to even hope and dream of something that we may not achieved at the end of the year. I have turned out to be the type of person who just takes in whatever comes my way and if it is something that is unexpected then I know I would truly be happy deep down inside. But if I had a set of expectations and they are not being met, I know for sure that I would be fairly disappointed.

Some people would that I am not much of a dreamer and have no imagination. Some people might say that success comes from dreaming and dreaming it big. But I don't know.. as you aged you tend to think too much or dream too much of something and not to mention that you want it so badly that you can come off as "desperate" and who would want that right?

Besides, as you grow older you know that time no longer is by your side and it is always ticking, no matter what. It will not slow down because you fell sick or not mentally prepared for it. By the time you realize that the people around you are already getting married and some already have their own offspring.. it is a little unnerving. You no longer have time to play trial and error. You no longer have the courage or the vibrant energy in you to thrive on. Perhaps it was because of past experiences or the peer pressure that made you feel shy and uncomfortable to even begin with.

Anyhoo, just to keep the tradition going.... Below are my resolutions or my hopes rather.

• To get a job that I am happy working for. Which means great job prospects, good pay, nice boss(PLEASE! it's about time) and colleagues, hopefully no crazy working hours like my previous one.
• Save! Save! Save! so that I can do the below...
• Buy a voice recorder, Canon SLR and an iPod.
• Revisit Singapore to relive and replay my love for Singapore.
• To travel to Bangkok and shop like a mad woman.
• To embrace more music both locally and internationally. Attend big ass concerts and experience LIVE performance from international bands/DJs.
• To travel to Melbourne and to embrace their culture and pace of life.
• To buy a Balenciaga motorcycle bag. Maybe not this year but next year perhaps?
• To embrace our local culture and immerse myself in art scene and our heritage sites.
• To love more. Please God, bless me with a wonderful man in my life as I have tons of love to share.
• To be more patient and forgive those that stood in my way. To be more care-free. 
• To believe that I am worthy of something good, to believe in the good of people and their kindness.
• To write more.
• And cook more. 

So there you have it. My current hopes in point form. We'll see how this works out in another 359 days yeah?

[daily disco dose]
Lykke Li - Tonight (live)

2010 In Retrospect.

My uber cute niece.

There are 365 days in a year and without a doubt, good and bad things are bound to happen. I can safely say that both the good and the bad contributed to my mixed feelings about the year 2010. Call me a pessimist but I think more negative things happened to me more than pleasant one but I won't say that I was unhappy all year round.

 So let's start with my bullet train of thoughts...

Freedom never tastes so sweet when I quit my grueling-in-the-middle-of-nowhere job. My ex boss accused me of many things that I didn't do. One of which she said I influenced my colleagues to resign as well. Whole lot of bullocks I'd say. Like I always say.. thanks for giving me hell so that I know how heaven is. Biatch! *shows off international sign*

Heaven was great while it lasted but then I got too cozy. When you have a lil bit too much of something you tend to get bored and things start to turn stale. All hell break loose, arguments, disagreements and discomfort. Had the worst arguments ever. I almost wanted to kill myself and fell really sick right after.

I have to deal with death when my precious darling dog Curly was hit by a car and died. My best furry cheery friend of two years gone just the night before her 2nd birthday. I'm not sure whether I can rear another dog again. She bit me while I was trying to carry her to the side of the road (naturally) and I had to take a day of medical leave to rest at home, but all I did was cry the whole day. The scars are still there but much better now. I still miss her and hope that she is in a far better place in heaven now, aimlessly running, wagging her tail, barking at by passers, panting and grasping for air and happily playing ball.

 Only right to post up a nice pic of her.

My injured swollen right hand, developed kiloids but am well on my way to recovery.

Career wise, I didn't move anywhere but I got some bad and weird experiences in dealing with jobs, bosses and interviews. So I am definitely sure that I gained experience and is sure not to have the same kind of experience again. Although I must say that I am wiser now (I think) and it changed my career goals and I know how and when to spot a job that is not align with them.

On the flip side, I exercised more this year and I hope I will keep up the momentum in the year 2011. My brother got married and my house was filled with joyous people on such auspicious occasion. Then my niece came along.. Yes, there she is on top of the post right there. Ain't she adorable?

I got back to writing a blog and writing for our local music blog zine in the name of music. Just like what I've always wanted to do. I started tweeting, which is fun and partied harder than 2009 as I drank more pints of Guinness stout and beer compared to the year before. I got more involved and listened to more of trance music and loving every moment of it. Funny how I started listening to 90's alternative rock and now listening to Armin Van Buuren. While we're still on the subject, I attended Ronski Speed live in Penang which is one of my most memorable music experience EVER in a looooong time.

Ronski Speed on the decks. Sonic orgasm.

Can't say that I'll miss you but I am definitely looking forward to what 2011 have in store for me. I shall now leave you with this song that will propel and adjust my mindset to a better and a wonderful year ahead of me!

[daily disco dose]
Snow Patrol - Give Me Strength