When The Shit Hits The Fan.

I get so caught up with work and making sure things go smoothly for my patients.. But when time passed and the commotion has subsided.. my heart felt a pinch of bitterness. My eyes are welled up and my throat couldn't mutter any words.. Deep down inside I know I feel lonely. I crave for attention. I crave for partnership.

But how do I keep myself from being negative?

I'd really like to believe that my chance will come.. That one day I will be happy again. I wish to be happy and whole again. I really do.

Dear god, please grant me that opportunity soon. I'd like to see a glimmer of hope flash before my eyes. I need to know and be sure that my life do not go wasted slaving away for nothing.

I need to know.. I need to feel again.

[daily disco dose]
Sheryl Crow - Always On Your Side

Best Friends.

When two of us are together, laughters are bound to embrace our conversations.

Today I wanna dedicate this post to my female best friend. 

I hope today is not the last time of our happy times together.

Although I do have to be prepared to take a step back and watch her embark on a brand new journey with a man of her dreams.. without me.

But I hope that she is happy. That's the most important thing.

It wouldn't hurt if she could still spend time and hang out with me. That would be a bonus for sure.

However, my role is now to take a back seat and enjoy the ride. Show my care for her whenever I am needed in the front seat.

The other one who is in the front seat better treat her good and it wouldn't hurt if I am included in the process of navigation and joy rides once in a while.

But oh well, I am happy for her.

Roses are blooming, wedding bells ringing and the time is near.

[daily disco dose]
Bruno Mars - Count On Me

Weddings.

Seems like today is a good day for weddings.

Attended my cousin's 20th wedding anniversary today.

Attended another friend's wedding in spirit.

When can I hear my own wedding bells?

Photolog : Komtar

I wish I was as tall as you...

I wish I could be up there seeing the entire world through your eyes.

Photolog : Pray

In times of answer and a peace of mind, pray..

Dear God, please let me have the courage and strength to stay positive. 

I need to carry on..

Photolog : Garden Room

Where is my very own Garden Room when you need one?

A space for much needed peace and quiet. 

Surrounded by greenery and fragrant flowers. 

My very own space...

Photolog : Birthday

I've been waiting to feel loved and special... 

Even more so during my birthday.

But years I've been giving myself false expectation. :(

Resolutions.

Okay, so this is it. My attempt at making somewhat of a resolution to start the new year with. I'm not a big fan of resolutions to start with simply because I think they just get your hopes and expectations to nowhere and fall flat on your face if they are not achieved.

Besides, I think the life experiences that I went through the last few years made me a (little) pessimist to even hope and dream of something that we may not achieved at the end of the year. I have turned out to be the type of person who just takes in whatever comes my way and if it is something that is unexpected then I know I would truly be happy deep down inside. But if I had a set of expectations and they are not being met, I know for sure that I would be fairly disappointed.

Some people would that I am not much of a dreamer and have no imagination. Some people might say that success comes from dreaming and dreaming it big. But I don't know.. as you aged you tend to think too much or dream too much of something and not to mention that you want it so badly that you can come off as "desperate" and who would want that right?

Besides, as you grow older you know that time no longer is by your side and it is always ticking, no matter what. It will not slow down because you fell sick or not mentally prepared for it. By the time you realize that the people around you are already getting married and some already have their own offspring.. it is a little unnerving. You no longer have time to play trial and error. You no longer have the courage or the vibrant energy in you to thrive on. Perhaps it was because of past experiences or the peer pressure that made you feel shy and uncomfortable to even begin with.

Anyhoo, just to keep the tradition going.... Below are my resolutions or my hopes rather.

• To get a job that I am happy working for. Which means great job prospects, good pay, nice boss(PLEASE! it's about time) and colleagues, hopefully no crazy working hours like my previous one.
• Save! Save! Save! so that I can do the below...
• Buy a voice recorder, Canon SLR and an iPod.
• Revisit Singapore to relive and replay my love for Singapore.
• To travel to Bangkok and shop like a mad woman.
• To embrace more music both locally and internationally. Attend big ass concerts and experience LIVE performance from international bands/DJs.
• To travel to Melbourne and to embrace their culture and pace of life.
• To buy a Balenciaga motorcycle bag. Maybe not this year but next year perhaps?
• To embrace our local culture and immerse myself in art scene and our heritage sites.
• To love more. Please God, bless me with a wonderful man in my life as I have tons of love to share.
• To be more patient and forgive those that stood in my way. To be more care-free. 
• To believe that I am worthy of something good, to believe in the good of people and their kindness.
• To write more.
• And cook more. 

So there you have it. My current hopes in point form. We'll see how this works out in another 359 days yeah?

[daily disco dose]
Lykke Li - Tonight (live)