Critic Me This!

Hi Brendan,

It's me again. I'm sorry I just had to write you this letter. I can't get you off my head ever since I wrote you that letter. During my last scrummage through my old junk, I somehow found two emails you wrote to me which I had printed out. It was dated as way back as 2003 - when I first met you.

The above title was how I got to know you. I remember I was feeling out of place and desolated just like how I'm feeling now and that two emails cheered me up. I may have forgotten to mention but they did. But right now I don't have the opportunity to receive emails from you to comfort me. Those emails were really powerful and it really showed that you cared for me. I was kicking myself silly for giving up my old email account and I lost all the emails that you had wrote to me when you were alive.

I think I may have to check into the clinic for mild depression and my god the weather predicts so well that it is raining now. Somehow iTunes was playing this song from Rachael Yamagata. A perfect song to describe how I feel towards you. You've been on my mind for days now and I kept thinking about our past, the possibilities and questions that needed answers.

Frankly, I was trying really hard to remember you. I'm really afraid that I might forget you. I'm really scared.

I hopped on over to your blog to browse around but it was scary. The front page was slapped with pictures of you needing a surgery and your bad conditions. That made my heart sank and I was overcame with emotions. I'm angry at myself for not sending you any emails to reconcile. I wanted to at one point but I was scared shitless. I'm such a coward.

What I said in that email was true and it applies now as well. I needed to talk to someone. I needed to chin up and stop being so confused. I needed someone to come along my way and guide me. I'm so helpless and I need to feel happy again. I really don't want to drink myself silly and drown myself in tears and sorrows.

Brendan, how's heaven like? Do they have a phone or an internet connection that you can use? I need to talk to you, if not I'm coming over now.

Yours truly,
Beatnik

[daily disco dose]
Rachael Yamagata - Meet Me By The Water

Would you please meet me by the water, baby
We'll have a really good time
Would you please meet me by the water, baby
'Cause I can't get you off of my mind

I've been thinking everyday about you
Don't fit anywhere into my life, but that's okay
'Cause I think I might be right for you
And because of that, I'm not scared at all
And everyone says I'm crazy
And everyone says I'm a fool
Would you meet me by the water tonight
'Cause I'm ready to break all the rules

Please don't leave me standing
With my heart in my hand
I can't last here
I'm breaking down,
And no on understands why I got here
But I knew from the very first moment
That I met you
You'd be the one

Would you meet me by the water tonight
Would you please fall asleep
Holding my hand
'Cause I've got everything in store for you, baby
If you'll be my man